


Steve and his kids

by softelmax



Series: Mama Steeb and his disaster children [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: El just wants to nap and b soft, Max is a sk8ter lesbian, Multi, Robin is a disaster lesbian, Steve is a mom to everyone and won’t admit it, drunk!Robin, everything is the same except the party is now close friends with robin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 23:48:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20647718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softelmax/pseuds/softelmax
Summary: a drunk Robin makes Max teach her how to skateboard thinking it’ll help her impress girls. The lesson ends in a hospital trip and a very pissed off Steve.ORSteve tries his best to keep all his children alive because goddamnit someone hasto supervise these little shits





	Steve and his kids

**Author's Note:**

> Hey it’s ya girl clara. it’s currently 12:25 am and i’m high off my ass on new sleep meds that do not work and cough medicine (not intentionally, i’m just sick as fuck). i’ll probably delete in the morning and i’m sure there’s a spelling or grammar error every other word. anywayz this is based off of something i read on tumblr and i ran with the idea.  
-clara (@awkwardtimelady on tumblr)

It all stated when Robin, Steve, and his children sat down to watch a movie with rice crispy treats and a jug of vodka. (Which Steve wouldn’t allow anyone except for him and Robin to touch of course)  
The movie’s main character was a girl who skateboarded and Robin found this immediately fascinating. She had thrown popcorn in rage at the screen when the girl got together with the popular guy at the end. As Steve yelled at her for making a bigger mess than the 14 year olds,  
she stood up and used her booming theatre kid voice to say “This movie would be better with lesbians!”  
Everyone groaned. They were all used to  
drunk Robin’s antics and knew where this was going.  
“Actually” Max interjected  
“This movie would be better if this bitch actually  
learned to skateboard. Her stance is awful and the way she turns with her foot  
makes me want to cry”  
Robin spun around and faced Max in a drunk lesbian mania.  
“You can skate?”  
“Of course I can, I wear thrasher stuff everyday and you always see us go into the skate shop. What did you think that was about?”  
“I kinda thought you were a poser to be honest”  
“That’s not a nice thing to say to your skateboarding teacher”  
“What?”  
“Was that or was that not your next question.”  
“It actually was, thank you my strange child friend. When can we begin and how many girls have you  
picked up this way”  
Max, used to Robin’s rambles, just sighed.  
“I mean that was El and I’s first date and first kiss”  
“Yeah but you better not be demonstrating that in the lesson babe” previously silent El said, while laying on Max’s legs.  
“Course not, love”  
“Barf, I’m bored already, can we go start?” Robin said, trying to desperately stop the inevitable make out session.  
She bounded to the door and nearly ran into Steve  
“Woah woah woah, now?” Steve said, blocking the  
door  
“yeah, ain’t no time like the present” Max said, unsuccessfully trying to detangle El from her legs.  
“It is 9:03 at night and pitch black outside. Plus you’re drunk as fuck”  
“That’s why god invented lights, dingus” Robin said, trying to shove Steve out of the way.  
Steve reluctantly let her pass, not wanting another Beatdown™️. She may be a tiny band kid but she could hit hard.  
“For the record I’m not taking you assholes to the emergency room because you decided to go skating in the middle of the night”  
“It’s 9:00 you old man”  
El said, as she followed the part out the door.  
“Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out” Robin said in a sing-song voice.

They walked down the  
street to the elementary school parking lot and Max dropped her skateboard at their feet.  
“This, is a skateboard”  
Robin rolled her eyes  
“You don’t say.”  
Max chose to ignore Robin’s drunk sarcasm.  
“We have to go over some important rules first.  
Rule number one, if there’s so much as a scratch on my skateboard when we’re done, you’re finished, Buckley. Rule number 2, don’t wobble or panic or you will definitely fall. Rule number four, don’t fall. Rule number five, don’t die. “  
“Okay mom” Robin said, highly annoyingly.  
Max handed Robin her skateboard and her helmet.  
After much protest, Max assured her that her hair didn’t even look that good in the first place and she wouldn’t look so pretty if her brains were splattered on the sidewalk, and so Robin put on the helmet.  
She put one foot and then the other on the board.  
Max rolled her eyes.  
“God that’s,,, where do I even start?”  
Robin shrugged and almost fell of backwards.  
Severely regretting all her life decisions that lead to this point, Max walked over and instructed Robin on where to put her feet.  
“Okay so now you put this foot here and push yourself forward. To turn, ever so slightly push  
your foot on the edge of the board and lean into the turn”  
Robin determinedly nodded and pushed herself forward slowly on the board. 

For a fleeting moment, it almost looked like Robin would be okay. But alas, god had other plans as she immediately picked up speed. The party watched as if watching a catastrophic car accident as Robin went straight for the main road. It was that moment when all 8 people remembered simultaneously that Max had left out the most crucial step. How to stop.  
They watched in slow motion as Robin put her foot behind her to stop and the board flew there the air, without robin. Robin crashed into the ground backwards and all her weight came crashing down on her elbow. Max ran over just in time to hear the unmistakable sound of crunching bone.  
Robin made a strange noise that sounded  
like a cross between a laugh, a snort, and a cry of pain. She clutched her elbow, even if you didn’t hear the sound of the bones shattering, you could still tell that it was broken based off the way she was holding it and the way she landed.  
“Shit, are you okay??” Max asked.  
Robin opened her mouth to say something and then closed it as Steve loomed over her.  
“You. dingus. get in the car. you are in the much trouble.”  
They silently and shamefully walked a couple houses over back to steve’s house.  
“I don’t need to go to the doctor” robin said “look it doesn’t even hurt that bad”  
“Robin. listen. I heard your bones crunch like a bag of doritos. We all did.” Dustin argued  
“Who needs BONES. I have plenty more”  
“May want to give you a psych eval while we’re there” Dustin muttered.  
“Shut up, you’re like 12, your opinion doesn’t matter”  
“does not”  
“does too”  
“does not”  
“does t-“  
“CHILDREN” Steve yelled.  
“You’re all acting 7. Just get into the car you fucking disaster lesbian”  
Without protest and fully accepting her new title, Robin slid into the passenger seat. the party filed into the back and off they went to the hawkins hospital. 

The wait was thankfully short and after Robin got a X-ray and a “bitchin” cast, they were sent home. The doctor had assured her that these things happen and to just be careful next time. Steve did not see this as an accurate preventative method and went into full Mom™️ mode on the way back.  
He glared at her laying on the backseat in the review mirror.  
“I CANNOT believe how IRRESPONSIBLE you were. You don’t just get on a skateboard with zero training with a GODDAMN 15 YEAR OLD AS AN INSTRUCTOR”. He screeched, banging his hand against the steering wheel for emphasis.  
Robin, who was properly drugged up from the hospital, said nothing.  
Steve continued to scream at robin and max, and even el for enabling the situation, the whole  
ride home. By the time they had pulled up in the Buckley’s driveway, they were all wishing they had gotten a large dose of  
drugs at the hospital like Robin.  
What Steve wouldn’t admit in front of the kids, or even sober Robin, was that he was worried sick and his heart had exploded from fear when Robin came crashing down on the pavement. He continued to put on his stern mom performance as he led her into the house. But as soon as the kids were out of earshot, he whispered encouraging things, half carried her up the stairs, and tucked her into bed. He left a glass of water and two advil on her nightstand and slowly crept out of the house.  
He got in and started the car again and turned around to the kids.  
“None of you are leaving until the living room you trashed is cleaned up.”  
The party groaned and Steve smiled to himself. He really did love his kids.


End file.
